What to Do When Strict Parenting Backfires: What Parents Should Know

Raising children is a blend of trial, mistakes, and learning. Many parents often adopt the strict parenting approach, or what is called authoritarian parenting, in the belief that this will ensure discipline. However, sometimes this approach can backfire. And this approach may turn out to be the very tactic intended to create a distance or resentment against the parent. So if your strict parenting style is creating more problems than respect, it's actually time to rethink your decision. 

Read this article to learn what you can do when strict parenting backfires.

Strict parenting often defines clear-cut rules and high expectations, along with numerous restrictions. According to a study, while a structured routine can help kids feel safe, a consistent, rigid approach can backfire in a rebellious way. In fact, according to the American Psychological Association (APA), kids raised under strict parenting are more prone to anxiety and low self-confidence.

The reality is that when kids follow rules out of fear, they miss out on learning the values behind them. Therefore, a balance in the parenting approach that gives an open environment to make mistakes is a much needed aspect to raise them into responsible adults.

From recognizing the signs when strict parenting isn't actually working for your kids to balancing consequences with a positive approach, here are a few things you can do if your child shows rebellious or withdrawn behavior.

There are signs when parents might be actually missing the mark—rebellious behavior, secrecy, or a breakdown are a few of them. So if you notice your child starts lying or hiding things from you, this could indicate that fear of punishment, which is in reality outweighing their trust in you. In short, children feel more fearful than supported.

In fact, according to a study, children raised in overly strict households are often less capable of independent decision-making. And they may even hesitate to take risks or be overly cautious, fearing failure or disapproval. 

One of the key aspects when it comes to avoiding the pitfalls of strict parenting is making your home a safe environment for your kids to express their thoughts freely. So the next time your child admits a mistake, acknowledge their courage in telling you the truth instead of immediately resorting to consequences. According to Parenting Science, kids who communicate openly with their parents have stronger relationships and fewer behavioral concerns. After all, a little space to talk can go a long way.

Rules must never be absolute, and the same applies for parenting approaches as well. Instead, try reframing the rules as family guidelines for everyone to participate in and not just the kids. It's like saying, ‘Get your homework done first, so you can enjoy your free time’ instead of ‘Finish your homework before screen time.' This way, your child can feel part of the process while also adhering to the guidelines. And the fact is, when kids understand and agree to the rules, there are more chances they will follow them with readiness.

While discipline is necessary, it loses its effectiveness when the parenting style leans more towards punishment. Experts suggest balancing consequences with a positive approach to get the desirable behaviors. The key is to recognize and praise your kid’s good decisions instead of focusing on what they did wrong.

Adopting a positive approach doesn't mean to let go of the boundaries, but adding a positive appreciation element to the learning process.

In this parenting journey, don’t forget to prioritize your relationship and focus more on spending some quality moments together. 

While strict parenting isn't necessarily harmful, a balanced approach is the need of the hour so that it doesn't backfire. By making little adjustments and recognizing the signs when strictness is turning counterproductive, you can make your child feel valued. At the end of the day, discipline is important, but so is love and your relationship with your little one.